The God That Failed
by Austin Blake
Summary: Angel breaks down over Connor's loss, and Cordelia has to put the pieces back together. (A/C)


DISCLAIMER: Is my name Joss? *sees blank stares and whispers, "It's not..."*  
DEDICATION: All the Cordy/Angel shippers out there.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Lyrics are by Metallica. "The God That Failed." Available on the self-titled Metallica album (also called The Black Album) as Track 10. Also Track 11, "My Friend Of Misery." Connor is nowhere in sight, and I'm starting to like it that way. After "The Price" and my short story "Vision Girl."  
  
  
  
  
[THE GOD THAT FAILED]  
  
  
\ \ Find your peace, find your say  
Find the smooth road on your way  
Trust you gave, a child to save  
Left you cold and him in grave / /  
  
"GIVE HIM BACK!!!"  
  
The cry of torment echoed throughout the massive halls of the Hyperion, stirring Cordelia Chase to awaken from her slumber. Sleepily, she grasped out for her newfound lover, trying to draw him nearer. Her hand lightly brushed the mattress, the object of her affection having departed to some unknown location. But another scream of pained heartache roused her senses, and at once she knew where Angel was.  
  
The roof.  
  
"YOU TAKE AND YOU TAKE AND YOU TAKE FROM ME AND I NEVER ASK FOR ANYTHING IN RETURN! BUT NO MORE! GIVE HIM BACK OR I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER LIKE I HAVE TO!"  
  
Angel was pacing the roof, half-naked as he wore only a pair of black drawstring jogging pants, and he was frantically pounding the rooftop with his fists. As Cordelia stepped out onto the roof, having followed the yelling, she saw that his hands were bloodied, drenched in a thick sea of scarlet. The pain was enough to make him slip into his vampiric visage, but not enough to make him stop the violent assault on his hotel. He brought his fists down again and again, and Cordelia heard the loud cracking of brick and the subtle snap of his own bones.  
  
"YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM, YOU HEAR ME! YOU CAN'T BE IN CONTROL OF THIS PLACE! NO ONE AS COLD AND COMPLETELY CALLOUS AS YOU COULD POSSIBLY BE RESPONSIBLE FOR SO MANY LIVES! WHAT THE HELL AM I FIGHTING FOR? SO YOU CAN TAKE INNOCENT LIVES SO NONCHALANTLY? SO YOU CAN KILL MY ONLY SON WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A SECOND THOUGHT? MAYBE I SHOULD BE FIGHTING YOU INSTEAD! PROTECTING THIS CITY FROM YOU!!! WHERE WERE YOU? WHY DIDN'T YOU PROTECT HIM? WHY DIDN'T YOU?...WHY DIDN'T YOU?...why didn't you?.........why didn't I...?"  
  
Angel slumped down into a heap of a broken man, weeping into the gravel. Cordelia came out from the shadows, touching her beloved's back with her fingertips. She caressed the tattoo of the winged lion as it clutched the letter A, and as she did, she loathed it. It was a symbol of soulless abandon, of Angelus, of a cruel and uncaring monster that killed so many innocents, and he was the very reason Angel was suffering now - not just the haunting memories and nightmares of screaming victims that he had slaughtered, but something new plagued him, something no one knew if he would survive. His son was gone. Dead. His blood. His flesh. His love. Never to return. How ironic that The Powers That Be treat him just as he had once treated their creations. Life had been stolen from him.  
  
Angel whirled around at Cordelia's touch, his handsome human mask restored. But it was ridden with so much agony, so much guilt. Tears misted and reddened his eyes. His body was shaking terribly. It scared Cordelia to see him like this. He had been holding his emotions in, and it festered and manifested itself as anger, especially towards Wesley. But he didn't blame Wesley. He blamed himself. He was Connor's father. He was responsible for Connor's well-being. As far as Angel was concerned, he might as well have been the one to dive through that portal with Connor in his arms. At least that way, they could be together.  
  
"Why, Cordy?" Angel's voice was meek, wavering as he struggled to keep back his sobs. "Why couldn't I protect him? Why did they take him from me? What is this, some kind of test? To see if I revert to Angelus? What, I failed as a father, now as a champion? I know I deserve this, but...God, Cordy...it hurts so damn much."  
  
Cordelia took him tightly into her arms, closing her eyes as they clutched each other. "Don't say that. You don't deserve this. No one does. You didn't fail Connor. That little boy was never happier than when he was in your arms."  
  
\ \ I see faith in your eyes  
Never you hear the discouraging lies  
I hear faith in your cries  
Broken is the promise, betrayal  
The healing hand held back by the deepened nail  
Follow the god that failed / /  
  
Angel trembled in Cordelia's embrace. Connor's loss as sent a crack running down his heart and into his very soul. This was beyond despair. He didn't see a point anymore. Not in fighting. Not in living. "There has to be some higher power than them, Cordy. But if there is, He failed. God was supposed to love us, to shield us from harm. But He failed. Everyone suffers. We suffer, we ache, we bleed. And they don't even flinch. No one cares, Cordy. No one."  
  
\ \ Misery  
You insist that the weight of the world be put on your shoulders  
Misery  
There's much more to life than what you see  
My friend of misery / /  
  
"I do." Cordelia whispered into his ear. She kissed his lips softly. Her Angel, her champion, was falling. And she'd be damned if she'd let him. "God helps those who help themselves. He also loves those who love each other. I love you, you love me, we love Connor. This is just part of the everyday stuff we go through. We always win in the end. Someone has to care, because every time we fight, we find a reason to go on. I'd fight for you and that little boy. I'd die for you. And I know you'd do the same. I know that means something to them up there. You can't give up. Not now. If you do, we may never see him again. But if you believe, just have some little ounce of faith left, maybe that'll be enough to convince them to send him home. Please, Angel...don't give up."  
  
\ \ You still stood there screaming  
No one caring about these words you tell  
My friend, before your voice is gone  
One man's fun is another's hell  
These times are sent to try men's souls  
But something's wrong with all you see  
You, you take it all yourself  
Remember, misery loves company / /  
  
Angel drew her closer to him, his tears subsiding as he held her against his body. "I won't, Cordy. I promise." Cordelia could feel the blood from his hands on her back, but she didn't care. She just held him for the time being, letting him regroup.  
  
"He'll come home to us, Angel."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
"Ready to go inside?"  
  
"Not yet. Just...just hold me for a little while longer...please?"  
  
Cordelia smiled faintly. "Like you had to ask."  
-----  
  
[More coming later...if enough people ask nicely.] 


End file.
